|
|
Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
|
|
|
The last time I posted was in May. So much has happened since then. I guess the surgery I was referring to in previous posts was my endoscopy, which came out fine...The Dr said there was no problems, but it was a little red and inflamed at one area, nothing to worry about. So what about the constipation due to the morphine I'm taking for Lupus et al? Dr said just take 5 cap fulls of Miralax everyday for 3 weeks, then take 1 week off. So that's what I did. I wound up having worse problems than constipation, I was having 'accidents' due to taking so much laxitive. The 'normal' dose is 1 capfull not 5. But whatever, I just followed the Dr's orders. Then July comes. It was my day off on Wed the 15th and also the 16th. I woke up on Wed with the worst pains in my stomach that I have ever had. Not period cramps, not gas cramps and not diarrhea pains...although I did go to the bathroom quite a lot that day. I felt sick too, but didn't actually throw up. I stay in bed all day and I'm more tired than I've been in a long time...I sleep so much that I don't feel the pain when I'm asleep. Jason got home from work and he could tell that I wasn't well. We both agreed that it was food poisoning and that I would be better the next day. Jason made me some chicken soup and I managed to keep it down. The pain was still pretty bad though. The next day, I woke up when Jason was leaving for work and he asked how I felt, I told him the pain had gotten worse. Which it had. He said that if it didn't get better by lunch time I should go to the ER. I said no, that I would be fine. Then I fell back asleep....again feeling extremely tired. I woke up around 11am with Jason calling me...as soon as I opened my eyes, I felt the pain again, and it was getting beyond bearable. He told me to go to the ER, again I said no, that I would be fine, he began insisting that I go. So I finally gave in. Now, I have been to the ER a million times, and each time Jason hates it, infact in previous times he's actually asked me if im sure my aches and pains are bad enough to have to go there, cuz he hates the hospital, he hates waiting, he hates sitting with me when im getting pumped full of morphine and when Im kept in he comes to visit, but stays only 10 mins he hates it so much. So the fact he is insisting that I go to the hospital is kinda weird. So I call my mum and tell her that Im going to the ER...she doesn't drive and insists that I come pick her up and then go to the ER so she can be with me. I agreed. I pulled clothes on and went the 15 mins to my mums to get her. As soon as she got in the car the look on her face was unforgettable. She looked shocked and scared all at the same time. I started driving to the hospital...by this point my stomach was torture...I was bent over driving and had beads of sweat running down my face. My mum kept saying that we were gonna crash. I didn't know if I could make it, but I just focused and did my best. So we get to the ER. I remember walking towards the entrance and saying to my mum, 'This is really bad, I need to be seen ASAP'.
Inside the woman takes my insurance card, and put the little band round my wrist. I then go and sit to wait on the triage nurse. I yet again, was super tired and could barely keep my eyes open. I rested on my mums shoulder and dozed off...then I woke up and ran to the bathroom, where I threw up...this is gross, but it wasn't 'normal' throw up...it was yellow liquid. I figured at the time that it was just bile since i hadnt eaten anything. As I come out the nurse calls me. I go over and as soon as I sit on the seat, I start dozing off again. She's trying to keep me awake, asking me what medical conditions I have and what medications I take. I am in 'zombie' mode by now and can't even think of all the meds I take, so I tell her some and my mum tries to think as well. I used to have a list that I kept on me at all times, but since the last year had gone so well, I didn't think I needed it anymore. I remember her asking if I took too much of my morphine and thats why I was sleepy...I told her that if anything I hadn't taken enough, because this pain was so bad. Next thing I remember is laying on the bed in the ER and a nurse asking if I could be pregnant, I told her no. A few weeks prior to this I had noticed my stomach was expanding and so we did 3 pregnancy tests at home and I wasn't pregnant. However, since they saw my stomach which by this point looked like I was a good 6 months pregnant they wouldn't take my word for it. So they wanted me to be tested. I don't remember much about the ER...I kept 'falling asleep' I later found out I wasn't falling asleep, I was passing out because the pain was so severe. So pretty much everything else that I type about the ER is from what my parents of Jason filled me in on. They needed urine for a pregnancy test, but i couldn't stay awake let alone walk to the bathroom, so apparently I peed in a bed pan. I do remember randomly waking up here and there, and one time my mum would be at my bed, then my dad and then Jason, they were taking turns, I later found out that because of swine flu they would only let 1 person by each bedside, and thats why they kept switching. However, in the zombie state I was in, it kinda split my wig. Jason told me that I was 'asleep' and then I woke up, looked at him and just opened my mouth and all this greenish stuff came out my nose and mouth. I guess they had done some x-rays and cat scans by this time, none of which i remember having and so it showed that my bowel was twisted, and my stool was so backed up that it was all the way up my small intestine. So much so that it made my small intestine the same size as my large intestine..hence my stomach being so swollen. So after I threw up over myself, Jason called the nurse, and they decided they needed to put an NG tube in...this is a long plastic tube that goes up your nose, down your throat and into your stomach to suction out whatever is in there. I was at a point that I was 'topping off' and thats why I needed the tube. My intestine was so filled up that nothing else would fit there and so it was coming up. And so basically the stuff I was throwing up was 'waste'. I don't remember getting the tube in, my mum said the nurse sprayed the back of my throat and up my nose and then pushed it up a good 10 inches if not more. She said that I had tears streaming down my face, not from crying but from getting the tube shoved up my nose. That was then connected with a longer tube and all the 'waste' in my stomach began being sucked out. At some point a Dr came in and told me that I needed surgery, I have no memory of that, but Jason was there also, and he said that I gave him the go ahead. Due to my other medical conditions he sent some special disease Dr down to ask me some questions as he had never operated on someone with the conditions I have. I vaguely remember her asking me questions and me just wanting to sleep and so Jason said he answered most of the questions. The next thing I remember was being wheeled into an elevator and a nurse telling me to open my legs so she could put in a catheter. Then I was waking up with Jason by my side and things wrapped around my legs, and a pillow between my legs. I was super tired and I don't know what I was thinking at that point, I do remember it feeling really late, and I told Jason to go home cuz he was tired. He said he would be back tomorrow.
The next day was crazy...I was in severe pain, but a different pain than what I had gone to the ER for. I felt like I was still in the ER. My parents and Jason were all sitting around my bed, and I was whacked out due to the anestetic. So I was trying to get out of bed, and still had the things on my legs which were annoying me and so I kept asking my mum to take them off me...then I was trying to get up to go to the bathroom, she kept telling me that I didn't need to get up, because I had a catheter in. It's all a bit blurry...but I do remember calling for the nurses a lot. I had a machine hooked up to me that was giving me constant morphine and I had the button that you could press if you wanted more, but you can push that button as often as you want, it's only gonna give you what it has been programed to. It felt like I was still in the ER, that I was being kept in to treat my initial pain, and so when I felt a different pain, I didn't understand. If anyone mentioned to me that I had surgery that day, I don't remember it. I still had the tube in, and it was beginning to hurt my throat. I wasn't allowed anything to eat or drink, just ice chips. The next day I woke up still in a lot of pain, still hooked up to lots of bags and still suffering from a sore stomach...but I wasn't as fuzzy as I had been the day before. The nurse came in and gave me more pain meds, and noticed that my IV was fucked. My veins aren't worth a shit, and so I had a huge lump on my arm where the IV had infiltrated. So they needed a new spot. They managed to find another area and that was fine. I was by myself, no one had come to visit me yet, and I went to move myself from my back to my side on the bed, and the pain I got when I even tried to move was torture. Not to mention I didn't even have the strength to move myself. I didn't know what was going on. I touched my stomach through my gown and felt a padding. So I lifted up my gown and I saw gauze covering my stomach, from the top of my chest all the way to my bikini line. I was wondering wtf had happened. Soon after that Jason came, I asked him if they cut into me and he told me that of course they had, that i had needed emergency surgery to straighten out my bowel so that my intestine could clear. They couldn't remove any of my intestine as it was so filled with stool that if they had cut into it, the waste would get into my system and cause me to die of toxic shock. Then he told me that the surgeon said I had been really lucky because if I had waited another 10-12 hours, I would be dead as my intestine was almost ready to burst, which again would cause the waste to go into my system. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I've had many surgeries, all for 'female' reasons, and all done by going 'through' my female area....and for some reason I thought this was done the same way, until I felt the pain of the incision. So basically Jason saved my life. I was quite happy not to go to the ER....but he insisted, which like I said before, was not like him....when I asked him why he made me go, he said he didn't know, he just had a feeling that something was really wrong. That in all the times ive been 'sick' he's never seen me so pale and in so much pain. The Dr's said me passing out was my body's way of dealing with the pain. I had no memory of the ER or the day before. I still don't.
I know this is long, but in all honesty in typing this for me as much as I am for other people, if not more so. This was such a horrible experience that I feel like I need to document it in it's entirety so that it doesn't happen again. Due to not remembering much of the last 2 days, I still felt like I was in the ER. It always seemed so busy outside, nurses running around, that I just felt like it was the ER..but infact I was in the surgery ward. The hospitalist came to see me. She is a Dr that I have dealt with most if not every time I've been in hospital, to be honest, I was never too keen on her, we bumped heads regarding my diagnoses, she always seemed to be tough to deal with. This time though, she was different. She was much more empathetic and I guess it was because I finally had a problem that she could 'see' and not just aches and pains from a disease that has no visable wounds. After about 4 days they moved me to my own private room, which was good because the woman that was beside me was a pain in the ass, not to mention her husband was a prick. Around that same time the woman came from Physiotherapy. I hadn't slept well other than my first night there, every other night was painful and long and at one point they had to bring a nurse down during the night from ICU to try to put an IV in me as yet another one had infiltrated. So I was really tired, and sore and just wanted to stay in bed, so when the physio nurse came and told me I had to get up, I basically told her no, that I was too tired. She insisted that I get up, and she said she would be back in 30 mins and then I was to get up. I gave in and finally got up. It wasn't easy...I didn't realize how much you used your stomach muscles for until then. I had to have her pull me up, and help me on my feet and I had a walker to use and I was to walk around the ward. I managed to do one time around and couldn't go any further. When I returned I was to get my 'bed bath'. So the tech was waiting for me, I was embarrassed because she was this young girl, maybe 19 or 20 and she had to wash me and put a clean gown on me....as this was happening the annoying woman next to me's husband came in, even though he was told not to come in just now, he ignored it and walked right in....so he basically saw me naked and being washed, and he didn't even look the other way, he stared right at me as he walked past my bed to get to his wifes. So right after I got cleaned up, I was told i'd be moving rooms. I was very happy. However, I didn't know the full reason they were doing that. Once I was in my own room the nurse came in with a fleet enema and used it on me, she told me that if i couldn't manage to get out of the bed to the bedside commode just to 'do it' on the bed and they would clean it up. Well again, I was embarrassed I didn't want do shit the bed and equally I didn't want to use the commode next to my bed and have this young girl come and empty it. As it turned out, I didn't go to the bathroom. So an hour passed and I got another one, again...nothing...yeah the liquid from the enema came out, but that was it. Another hour passed and the 3rd one was given. Yet again...nothing. By this time the NG tube was agonizing. I was super cranky because it caused me such pain and discomfort. And to make matters worse one of the Dr's that was dealing with my case had come by to see me and said that the tube wasn't down far enough into my stomach....so he proceeded to shove another 6 inches up my nose, which made me beyond pissed. I called him every name in the book...I thought he was a complete prick for doing that. He told my parents that it was better that he did it than a nurse cuz he didn't mind if I hated him, but he didn't want me hating a nurse. So during the 4 days ive written about so far, I was constantly complaining about this tube. The only person that seemed to understand was the Hospitalist Dr, whom I had previously hated on other hospital stays. I begged every day that they please take out the tube, I didn't understand why it was needed and why they wouldn't remove it. I later found out that the tube had saved me from having a colostomy bag installed. Which made me feel a little better about it, but still I think it's torture having that tube in. So after 3 fleet enemas and no poop....they decided that they had to resort to something new. I wasn't told what it would be, and I wasn't prepared for what it was. My throat felt like it was closing up because of the tube, I couldn't sleep at night, I still had the constant morphine, and the button to press, but now I was getting 2mg's of Dilaudid every hour for break through pain. I kept my eye on the clock, because when I got my shot it helped for about 15 mins and then it was back to being in agony again. Yet again I had 2 more IV's that had infiltrated. I had bumps all over my arms and hands. The 5th morning I was told that I was going to radiology for my enema. I didn't know what that meant, and didn't know why i had to go to radiology for it. When I got down there I found out. They basically lay you on a table, pour 10 bottles of liquid enema into like a big empty saline bag, they then put the tube up your back end, and hold it in place with a balloon....and start pouring the liquid from the bag in there. It was kinda strange, but not as bad as I had worried it might be. My nurse even came down with my morphine machine and hooked me back up to it and put the button in my hand, I thought that was nice of him, but wasn't really sure why I would need it that bad for this procedure. Then I found out. As I lay on the table, the Dr comes in, he's looking at a screen, basically a live x-ray of my stomach area...then the table moves, it slides backwards, to each side, forward....basically it's like being on a roller coaster for 45 mins. Thats when I realized that I needed the morphine. As I was moved around on the table the Dr was able to see where the liquid was going and wherever it wasn't going meant it was blocked. After 45 mins I felt sick....I could taste the liquid at the back of my throat and it wasn't pleasant. I felt like I was gonna vomit and my incision was in pain from all the moving around. When they finished they told me that I will probably need to go to the bathroom....they said normally people get up and walk to the bathroom in the same room I was in, but since I wasn't able to 'get up' they told me just to let it go on the bed. Again, I found that idea to be embarrassing. As they drained the liquid back out of me and into the bag, the Dr had gone and I was left with the 2 nurses that had prepared me, one male and one female. Both of whom made me feel very relaxed and kept checking that I was ok. I was finally taken back to my room, and another IV died. A nurse put one on my hand, but it wasn't a good one, it was barely in, and not secure at all. I had to try and stay still. Then about an hour later, I had to go to the bathroom. I was so happy at my timing, because as I was sitting on the commode next to my bed, doing my business, and a lot of it....my nurse had brought in trainee's and was telling them why I was there and what procedures I had done and im sitting there with zero control over my bowels and so they stood there nodding their heads and asking me how i was feeling....WHILE I WAS DOING A NUMBER 2! They finally left and I finally finished, and quite frankly i thought it was over...I had seriously almost filled up the commode and figured I had to be cleared out now. The nurse came, saw and emptied it, and said he would pass it on to the dr.
More will be added to this....I'm outta time for today
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
So although I have this online journal, I want to have one at home too. It doesn't have to be an actual lil diary with a key on it and shit. but for some reason ive wanted to keep a journal for a while. So recently i've just been using my notepad and been writing things in it every night before I go to sleep. Although at night I take my pills and by the time im in bed writing im falling asleep, so it's not going so well, some of it is completely incoherent. Maybe it's because the past 2 years I lost so many memories with being all drugged up that makes me want to keep a note of things now. But my plan is after work today, to stop off at the stationary store and find a decent notebook or some kind of actual diary. I don't need a lock cuz it's not like Jason would read it and I don't care even if he does, theres nothing in there that he wont know. So we'll see how we do on that.
The other day Jason asked me to make dinner WITH him. Normally we make dinner alone and never want each other in the kitchen at the same time, but he said he thinks it would be nice if we could make something together thats 'ours'. I swear he must have been reading my mind, because a few days before he mentioned it i had thought how nice it would be to be able to both be in the kitchen doing different things that ends up being a meal. So we have that planned for today. We're making some kind of salmon with marinade. So im at work just now, and we had both planned to go to the gym today together so he could switch up my work out because whatever im doing isnt enough, im still gaining weight at an astronomical rate. So when I go home, we're going to make the marinade, and then go to the gym and then come home and do the rest. We're having these baby red potato's with it, that jason makes with some seasoning, which he's going to make me privvy to, which is amazing. Then we're going to fry up some green beans with a little garlic. I think it sounds pretty good. So we'll see how it goes. I actually printed out all the recipes yesterday at work, but didn't read them, just read a lil bit and if it sounded like something we'd like then i printed it, so i don't know exactly what the marinade is, but im sure it'll be nice. If not, In N Out burger is down the street. haha.
So last night i had a total melt down. We had gone for a walk by the water, and that was my excersize for the day, and it was my cheat day, so we decided to go out to dinner (sushi) and a movie, and I would have some dibs, or candy at the movies. So we got into a kinda arguement about my diet and how he thinks i could be doing more and cut back some of the sweet things i have, now please note, those sweet things are 100 calorie packs of milanos or chocolate pretzels. They arent big bags and i don't eat more than one of them a day, so we had a wee tiff, and I was annoyed, so I went for a shower....i realized that all my 'fat' clothes except my jeans were in the dry cleaners, and so i put on this grey tank top with a grey and white striped light weight'ish sweater over it. So I was sweating buckets and told him that i had to wait till i cooled down to do make up cuz my face was sweating. So im sitting there and I had seen myself in the mirror and I had my jeans, with my belt, holding them up, then this semi fitted sweater on and a huge roll of fat over my jeans. So I really didn't want to go out, but i didnt say anything. just sat there. Then I just started bawling my eyes out. Jason was like wtf? I just started going on about how I was fat and didn't wanna go out cuz nothing fitted me and i looked a mess and i was one of those people who were fat but trying to fit into skinny people clothes. He just held me and told me that it would be ok...then he said we didn't need to go out. So i went and changed back into my fat shorts and my less constricting top and laid on the bed in tears. he told me that we would find out this week from the doctor if he can fix it and if not, then fuck it we'd go to the endocrinologist thats $500 a visit. he just wants me to be happy. So he left and went and got us take out sushi from the restaurant that we planned on going to and we had it, it was amazing. Then we watched 'The Wrestler' he went to 711 and got me a coke and a lil yub of 'dibs' for us to share, cuz he told me that i still had to give myself a treat, so we shared them, and it turned out to be a great night. Even though it started with us having a tiff and then me being in hysterical tears. So now i just have to go to the gym today and work really hard, to try and fend this weight off as long as I can. Im now 182lbs. I just can't believe that I have size 2 jeans and size 14 jeans in the same closet. And that not so long ago i could actually wear the size 2's. At this point i don't care if i can't get into the size 2's for a while..but i'd like to work towards my size 8's. So we'll see, hopefully the doctor has some answers.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
So last night we were all going out with my old neighbour from Scotland that came on Wednesday for a week. They came into the hotel to surprise us, but me and my dad were not working, so my co worker called my dad and told him they were there. My dad went to pick them up from the hotel and take them to their place. He called me on the way there and put her on the phone. Margaret is one of my good guy friends mums. She was the MILF of the street when we were growing up...all the guys fancied her. So she's married now, has been for 13 years to this nice guy called Ross. So we hung out at my parents house and they said that they had no idea what to do for the week, so we told them about vegas and i went online and got them fab prices on flights and hotel at the Paris for Thursday morning, coming back Friday afternoon. So we planned to meet them for dinner last night. My brother made reservations at this place called Three Seasons, it's an Asian fusion place and it is great. So we all went into the city...we ordered a ton of food, and we all ate every last bit of it, we chatted and they were meeting Jason and my sister in law for the first time, so they were catching up with them. Its funny, when I was a kid, I was always late for school...and school was a bus ride away...I always missed the bus at least 3 times a week, and since Margaret was the only person we knew that had a car back then and so my mum always called her to have her take me to school. And so last night we were laughing about it, and my dad asked her to move to SF so she could drive me to work and maybe then i'd be on time in future. It was pretty funny. So we were supposed to split the bill...my dad was paying but me and Jason were paying our part and Stephen and Tonya were paying their part and my parents were paying for them and Margaret and Ross. But when the bill came my dad just paid it all, in the car going home i asked how much we owed and he told us to forget it and not pay him. The bill was like $600! So we agreed that we would take them out for dinner somewhere nice in a few weeks, so that works.
So today since its mothers day i was meant to leave work and go for a walk with her, we're both dying to lose weight. But last night they made plans with Margaret and Ross to meet them in Tiburon off the boat and they would go eat and walk around and stuff. So im not going for my walk anymore. Which is fine, I saw my mum this morning for breakfast before work and gave her a card with money in it, so at least ive seen her so thats ok. So instead im just gonna go home after work, and relax, and take a bath. I have a TON of different bubble baths and bath salts and they are taking up too much room in my bathroom, even though i got a container drawer for them from the container store, so you cant see them in the bathroom but i can hardly open it. So I need to get rid of some of it, and taking a nice bath is a good enough reason to. So thats what im going to do. I had 2 accidents yesterday, once at work and once when I got home from dinner last night due to taking my laxitive, so im not gonna bother taking it anymore. I refuse to let it run my life. So I didn't take any yesterday and im not taking any today, im still going to the bathroom today but it's slowing down slightly. So im hoping by tomorrow it'll have stopped completely. So tomorrow I start at the gym again. Im going to rock that gym so hard they will have to close it for a month. Im gonna do 90 mins of cardio. All my weights, and im gonna up my reps and sets. Im gonna hurt like hell, but I cannot bear being this fat anymore. I spoke to this girl i know yesterday who works in town beside me but is also related to me by marriage and she gained a bunch too cuz she quit smoking, so she's on Jenny Craig...well i can't afford any of those types of food diets and i hate the food anyway, so its a waste of money. So im just going back to my 1200 calorie diet and working out everyday, even if it's just cardio everyday and then weights every 2nd or 3rd day. Cuz I can't take this anymore. The girl i spoke to yesterday was telling me to just accept it and be happy with myself how I am, but also make sure i do something about it. I think she's full of shit, I should'nt be alright with this weight, and im going to do something about it, but if i get happy being this big, then i'll get comfy being this big and then i wont work out. So fuck that im gonna HATE being this big and be HAPPY that im doing something about it. So it starts tomorrow...and i don't know how quickly i'll drop weight. A lot depends on bloodwork i need done and if i need meds for my pituitory gland, im doing the bloodwork on Wed on my day off....but until then...im gonna work out like a crazy bitch. I hope to be 130lbs by August. I don't know if i can drop 45lbs by then, but god knows im gonna try. I hate wearing big jeans, and baggy fat tops that make me look like im 200lbs. Im only 35lbs away from it, but thats gonna change. Fat Gail is out....Thin Gail (healthy Gail) is IN! And im not gonna start doing drugs again to do it!
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
An update I guess. So I had my surgery, all went well. It was pretty basic. I went in and they put my IV in. Unfortunately I had to tell the nurse that I used to be an IV drug user, I don't know why, but it's one of the questions she asked. A little embarrassing to say the least. Anyway, she was really nice about it, she just said not to worry that she wasnt there to judge and she was happy that I was done with all of that. So I got my IV in, they could only find a vein on my thumb, which was a little painful. So i got taken to another room, and I laid on the bed, the nurse (a different one) told me to lay on my side, they put this ring thing in my mouth to keep my mouth open, and she told me to relax and just go to a happy place in my head. I could hear the the doctor and the anastesiologist (sp) talking about university's. They were going on about Cornell and other ones. So im laying there eyes shut, the anastesioligist told me that it would sting for 20 seconds and by then i would be asleep. So I lay there, and nothing is happening, so I open my eyes, I see my dr coming towards me with a huge black wire thing with a light on the end of it. I kinda jumped and the nurse panicked and said I wasnt ready yet. So he moved back and i again closed my eyes. Next thing, I wake up in the recovery room. I had major sore hips, which I had before I went in anyway. So the nurse gave me 50mgs of fentanyl. I was there a little while longer, the dr came to talk to me but i was outta it and didn't really understand what he was telling me. All I wanted was some apple juice, i was so thirsty. So my mum talked to the dr and i got my juice. A while later the nurse came back and gave me another 50mg of fentanyl, which i didn't actually ask for, but she said it was the dr's orders. So I was like whatever, it saves me taking my pills when I get home. I was still in pain, but not enough to actually ask for meds. So i waited another 40 mins or so and then my dad arrived and all i wanted to do was go home and sleep, I wanted to get off my side, my hips were killing me. So I went home, my dad dragged me into my apartment cuz he's very heavy handed, I was stumbling around and nearly fell. So I got in, my mum stayed with me, she made me some soup and i ate that with a little bread and then got changed and she put me into bed. I slept right through until Jason came home at 5.30pm he took my mum home and i stayed in bed, and he woke me up at 7pm with dinner. I felt much better after i slept. So I got pictures from my surgery. He said everything looked decent. I have some redness in my lower stomach, kinda like the way it would look with acid reflux, but in the bottom of my stomach, so he was a little concerned about that, he said he thinks its caused by stress and thats why im having pains too. So he said outta 100 being the best im at 85. So thats pretty good. He has decided to sent me to UCSF to get tests done on my bowels and spinker (sp) sorry TMI. Right now he has me taking Miralax, but taking 5 scoops a day instead of one, needless to say im housebound cuz I cannot go out cuz i need to be near a bathroom at all times. im even wearing depends at night in bed incase I have an accident, which ive had a couple of times in the last month that ive been doing this miralax deal. So thats the info on that.
So Jason finally caved in and joined Facebook. I don't know exactly why he did it, I kept telling him he should but he never seemed to bother with it. Then the other night he just told me that he joined and he didn't know how to use it and so i pretty much gave him a little help. He's managed to get like 60 friends in like 3 days...granted i sent a list of people that he might want to be friends with and so thats prolly why it happened so fast, but it's cool cuz he's found a lot of his old friends from high school and college. On another note, his sister is graduating from Kenyon College in Ohio and we knew about it but didn't know when it was happening. So we got the mail yesterday and the invite was there. It's on May 16th. Well that gives him a whole week to get a flight and a hotel. Plus its very confusing. The graduation is at Kenyon in Columbus, and the dinner is in Cleveland. Well as soon as I knew Cleveland was involved i wasnt going, cuz then id have to see my in-laws and thats not happening. So he was looking up flights last night and he could get a return to Columbus for about $600, but he didn't book, he decided to wait till this morning to talk to his sister or his step mom and find out what the deal was with going from Columbus up to Cleveland. And maybe he had to hire a car or whatever. So this morning before talking to his sister he looked at flights and they were up to $1,000 now. Thats the same whether he flies into Cleveland or Columbus. So he's all upset cuz he missed her high school grad and promised he would go to her college, but they give him 1 week notice, thats shitty. So at this point he's not going, he cant justify paying that much for a flight. If they come down closer to the time he'll go, but if not then i guess he wont, which sucks cuz i know he wanted to see his dad and step mom and his sister and brother. So I feel bad for him, but i dont know why they sent the invite so late knowing he had to plan...they could have even emailed him and told him a month ago when it was gonna be so he could make arrangements. So that sucks.
My other thing for the past week is....I had a bed in a bag on my bed and it was just a cheap one that i got on a sale when Mervins was closing. Jason hated the sheets cuz they were a weird material, and the comforter was all getting little holes in it and shit. So I decided it was time to get all my shit organized. First of all, Jason moved into the apartment when we were separated so he just threw all the linens in the cupboard, regardless of if they were dirty or not. So the whole cupboard smelled bad cuz of another bed in a bag comforter that he shoved in there. So I got home from work on Tuesday and went to work. I gutted out all the cupboard, took everything out of it. I have bags that I buy bed in bags or comforters in and i use them when ive washed stuff and keep sets all together. So I got the comforter that smelled bad, and put it in an empty comforter bag. I need to go to the laundry mat to wash that and I didnt have time that day. So I shoved it in the bag, shut it closed. Then I washed every other sheet in that cupboard. While they were washing I got bleach, as I do, and I cleaned down all the shelves in the cupboard. The place was finally smelling awesome. I got all the linens and blankets dried and put them all in clean comforter bags in sets so i can just pull them out and change the bed easier. Then I went to bed bath and byond. I only went for new pillows cuz i threw out our pillows they were nasty. i ended up buying a new featherbed, it was expensive, but looked lovely. Then i got some white bed skirts cuz they go with any colour of bedding. I got pillows as well. I got home, I put the feather bed on the matress, it puffed up like a marshmallow. Then i put on clean sheets, they are almost new ive only used them twice before. i had put on the new bed skirt. The bedding is blue. I put all the sheets on, plus i bought a linen spray and sprayed it on all the sheets and blankets and it smelled sooooo good. Then I got my newly cleaned comforter and put the almost new blue comforter on it. My bed by the end of it looked like a huge cloud. It was amazing. I made sure that Jason showered before getting into the clean bed and i did too..im anal about my bed, it has to be perfect at all times. Well i have been sleeping amazingly since doing all that. The comforter is on the bottom of th bed but we havent had to pull it up cuz its so warm just now, so the sheet and blanket is enough. The new pillows are great, i normally sleep with 2, but they are so nice and firm i only need to sleep with one. Im in heaven. So now im at work, im going out to dinner tonight, hopefully my bowels will behave, cuz i have people from Scotland visiting, so we're all going to dinner, but im going to take a nap after work in my big cloud. Its amazing the featherbed hasnt flattened at all and weve been on it since Tuesday. I even took pics of it cuz im crazy like that. So I know this whole bed thing is boring and insane to most people, but its the one thing in my life i need to be perfect the rest of my house could look like a bomb site, but my bed must always be made and always be comfy.
So thats my update, yet again another long one, but i think you all know now how long winded I am....so enjoy!
<3
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Today it's pouring rain. I like the rain, but only when im at home, watching it out the window when I know that im safe off the roads and my loved ones are safe, so im gonna be freaking out by the time jason gets home at 5.30pm. People here dont know how to drive in the rain. Im not saying that im a pro, but i learned to drive in Scotland, and had to drive in rain, sleet and snow. So i know when to slow down and shit. But people here, they all have big SUV's and they don't care about us little honda civic people, that will get crushed by them. They never slow down, they drive as fast as they would on a dry day and they dont think that the sun had melted the oil on the roads. So they slip and slide and crush us little people. So I just hope Jason makes it home safe, as well as myself since im at work right now.
Anyway, enough of that. A special friend of mine is sick, right now, you know who you are, and I had to just send her something as a little pick me up. So I hope it gets to the right place since its been a while since i updated addresses. So thats my good deed for the day. I hope she likes what i sent her, It wasnt super expensive, but i guess it's the thought that counts, right?
So I don't know if im being dramatic or not, but I came off my Plaquinil for my surgery cuz there is a slight chance of staph infection after that kind of surgery. I decided with Jasons help to stay off it longer due to the swine shit going around. There have been 5 cases in my county and one was diagnosed at my own doctors. So when I went there today i was freaked out.
So yeah I went to the dr today, he weighed me....175lbs. Granted I had my boots and clothes on, but still thats a lot, especially since i was 110lbs this time last year. Yeah a lot of that was to do with messing with my medication...but still...to gain that much weight in such a short amount of time isnt cool. So it seems my pituitory gland might be overactive. so im going for blood work, that will also update me on how the lupus is going. When I went to Scotland in January, my dad had just had surgery, and he couldnt lift the luggage, so i had to and now i have a slipped disc or pinched a nerve so i got a steroid shot for that.
EDIT:- I had to cut this short yesterday and didn't know how to save it, so im just finishing what I was saying, cuz it ended kinda abruptly.
Ok, so where was I? So I was at the dr, just my regular every 2 month visit. Im meant to go every month, but he doesnt take my insurance and I adore him so im not changing doctor although jason has been trying to get me to change for years, but he understands that he knows my history, he knows my diseases and he knows what needs done when, i dont want to start off from scratch with someone else and try to explain EVERYTHING all over again. So basically my lower back has been in torture since the beginning of Jan. Pretty much from the day I arrived in Scotland on Jan 9th. I blamed it on the bed Jason and I had in the apartment, I first complained of it my second night there, my first night I was so jetlagged I just slept without waking up. But everyday after that I was in severe pain. Then when Jason joined me half way through the holiday, he agreed that the bed was too hard and his back hurt too. So I fully expected to get home into my own bed and sleep like a baby....not so. Instead I would wake up 3 or 4 times a night, laying on my back in so much pain that I had to wake Jason up to ask him to pull my arms and help me on to my side. Then in the morning i would have to have him help me get up off the bed. The pain is beyond torture. Its the worst pain ive ever felt, and thats saying something for me who feels pain everyday. Once im up and walking around for 10 mins the pain goes away completely. I don't have any problems with it at all. Until I wake up the next night in agony again. So the dr said it's either a pinched nerve or a slipped disk. Neither one is particularly good. But at least i know or hope it's not my lupus attacking anything in my back nerves or anything. Although ive to go for blood work, so that will answer that question. So I got a steroid shot for it, which is cool cuz although it killed my arm, it worked wonders for my back last night, i purposely slept on my back when i went to sleep and it didn't hurt at all. Although I did have restless legs all night, thats nothing new, it comes and goes every so often. I don't know how long a steroid shot lasts, and I also dont know if it will last less time due to it fixing my back and also helping my fibromyalgia. So we'll see. He upped my Lyrica as well. I told him i did not want more pain pills and so im still just on my time release morphine 3 times a day, and my lorcets for breakthrough pain.
I need to go see my endocrinologist because of my lactating and possible over active pituitory gland. But he is not covered by insurance and he's $500 a visit. Hes really good though and knows hes expensive so once you see him once he does a lot of the other 'visits' by telephone call. So I told my dr i couldnt afford to go to him at this point, but also said i couldnt budge the weight that the pituitory is causing, so he said that if my blood work comes back with a consistant diagnosis on my pituitory gland he will write me the prescription for the meds rather than spend money to see the endcrin guy. So thats good. Also, I went to pick up my plaquinil the other say at the pharmacy in safeway, even though im not taking it for now cuz thats the one that kills my immune system, i still picked it up so i would have it for when i do go back on it. And it was free? I was like wtf? Now the way our plan was set up, we had a $1,500 deductable between both of us, and an HSA card to use to meet the deductable. So last week i tried using the card and it got declined and so I was shitting it thinking that now i had to pay for all my stuff and then get claim forms and submit every bill and eventually get paid, well i dont know if its cuz im on cobra, but i went to pick the pills up and they were free i asked the pharmacist and she told me i reached my deductable and so everything was free. So I began calling in as many refills as possible so i could get them before my insurance changes May 6th. Then after talking to Jason, we decided to keep cobra since we're paid up till the end of May, and just give our new cards June 1st. So my doctor basically told me to call the pharmacy in a couple of weeks, tell them that he had upped my other medications and that I would need a new prescription for them which means i'll get them free. Also, 2 weeks ago i picked up my Valtrex and it cost $400 I nearly died. but i had to get them cuz I had an outbreak from hell, i hadnt had one that bad since i fist contracted herpes. So now im thinking I can have him write me another script for that and get it filled while it's free. So thats the good news, thats another reason i love my doctor, he understands about things being expensive and tries to help with it. So he really is an understanding dr. So I don't wanna lose him. I pay $150 per visit to him, but thats every 2 months, so it works out at $75 a month, which is $40 or so more than a co pay...i know it all adds up, but with all the samples he gives me, it works out in my favour, cuz he really is great. Anyway, thats all I have on my day yesterday. I did up the lyrica and felt a little dizzy he told me that it was normal because i was taking it along with narcotics, and so it would eventually stop i just had to give it time. So thats that.
Last night Jason got home from work, I could tell smething was a little off with him. I asked him what was wrong, he said nothing. The rain was so bad we didn't want to go out and drive to get dinner, so we called in chinese to be delivered. He didn't want his usual dish and just kinda went along with what I wanted and he's not normally like that, again i asked what was up, and he said nothing. I said he seemed like he was in a bad mood, he said that yea he kinda was. I asked why he just said that he woke up on the wrong side of the bed. So we left it like that, so I was kinda on eggshells with him all night, cuz I didn't want him losing his temper, although he rarely ever does, but i didn't want that. So we had dinner, watched a couple of old reruns of 'House' that we hadnt seen and then i wanted to watch something on court TV (Now TruTV) i love real crime stories, he went into the office and went online. So I felt bad that he was bored and so i was a little tired from taking the lyrica and so I just brushed my teefs and went to bed. He tucked me in and i don't remember what time he came to bed at i must have been out cold. I woke up with my legs jumping though at around 2am and then again at 4 am and then I woke up, saw the clock on his side of the bed it said 6.15am and then i layed back down and shut my eyes, i felt his hand touch my leg, so i opened my eyes, asked if he was ok. he said he was and he was just makin sure i was ok, cuz my legs had been jumping ALL NIGHT! I asked if i kept him up, he said no, but i think he was trying to be polite. Anyway, we both just got up after that, I took my shower and got ready for work, I actually put make up on....oh thats a first for a long time for work, normally i dont give a shit, put my hair back in a ponytail and no make up, but whatever.
And so far my day has been ok....Work is quiet, which is good and bad, but it gives me a chance to type this, haha. Im about to head home in 30mins or so. Jason called asking where the laundry room key was, I accidently left it in my jeans, so that means he's doing a laundry which rocks, cuz its less for me to do. And tonight we're either going to rent a dvd, or see if theres something on Pay per View, and pick up dinner at CPK....im going for the garlic chicken pizza.
So thanks all for reading, I know this is a long one!!!
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Thursday, April 30th, 2009
|
|
|
|
So Im all set for my surgery on Monday, I spoke to the nurse today and went over all my meds with her and she got all my past history details. Then she put me through to the hospital registration, so thats cool. Ive to be there at 10am have surgery at 11am be done by 11.30 or 11.45am and will be ready to go home by 1pm. So thats cool....im gonna get a taxi there with my mum, since Jasons working and its his new job, so I dont want him taking a day off just to drive me to hospital....so my mum is gonna come with me, and then my dad is gonna come get me at 12.30pm to see if im ready. So thats cool. So im all set, just got that pina colada stuff they inject into me to put me to sleep and then i'll be in dreamyland while they do their thang. Today im pissed, i decided that i would wash my towels, they didn't really need done yet, but i just had the dishwasher fixed and so i dont need dish towels laying around anymore so i decided to wash them and i threw in the others along with them. Even tho they only got wasged 2 days ago. So i go to put them in the dryer and i see the big one i wanted to use is out of order, and someones got all the other ones, one is finished, but still in the dryer, i dont like taking peoples stuff out the dryer so i'll have to wait to see if i can get them put in the drier in the next 30 mins or so. So annoying though, thats the worst thing about sharing laundry facilities in apartment building. I can't wait to get a house and have my own washer and dryer......so thats my bitch for today. Now I just want Monday to come, to get it over with, the worst is when you're just waiting for it, so that sucks, but im not worried, just anxious.
|
|
Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Tuesday, April 28th, 2009
|
|
|
So this guy I work with, he has anger management issues. Everyone walks around on egg shells around him cuz we never know when he's gonna blow up. So we had a huge fight a month or so ago, and my dad and i have still been a little cold with him since then, because the argument caused me and my dad to argue since i didn't think my dad should have stood there letting him point his finger right in my face and cuss at me and call me names. So after me and dad were talking again, we kinda played it like we werent in front of him, just so he knew how bad potentially him taking his anger issues out on me could be.
So today he comes in, if you don't say hello to him when he arrives he gets upset and goes in a bad mood all day, so me and my dad are laughing at something my mum did, and he comes in, we stop our conversation, and both say hi. He says hi and passes us, goes up to the open planned office and changes. My dad makes a point of talking a little louder and we're both in stitches laughing about this stupid stuff regarding my mum. So my co worker gets the ice chest, and takes it up to fill up the ice machine. My dad leaves to get something outta the car. Now the ice is meant to be taken up in bags, and the notice says so on the ice machine. So co worker comes back down and as my dad was out, i laughed and said "Oh you better not let him see you with that ice chest out" (the chest is old and although it's clean, its worn and doesnt look good if a guest sees it) So he's standing at the cupboard unloading laundry outta the lift, and he turns and says "What?" I repeat my joke, and it was totally said in a joking voice, again he said "WHAT" this time getting louder, I then say, nevermind, it was just a stupid joke. he stands there yelling "WHAT WHAT WHAT?" So my dad comes in and asks whats going on. I tell him that co worker apprently does not understand english, since he was yelling at me. I then told my dad that I was joking with him. Then you hear THUD THUD THUD coming from the cupboard and he's kicking the ice chest and letting shit fall. So my dad's all wtf? He comes out the cupboard and my dad asks him what the problem is. He turns with a smile and said nothing and went upstairs. So my dad says to me "Gail, don't bother with him, you know how he is, it's not worth trying to joke with him, cuz he always gets mad, just leave it alone" so im all, ok fine. So dad leaves and I go for a smoke. I come back down and offer co worker a granola bar, cuz I have one extra, mainly just to break the atmosphere. He says no thanks, and asks if he can talk to me. I say yes.
he comes down and starts telling me that he doesnt like when i joke with him, and he doesnt like when I tell him stuff to do or whatever, and I rarely do that. Even though he goes on to tell me that when my dad is gone he knows im the boss. So it makes no sense, he tells me that i can tell other workers what they have to do, but not him, he's been here too long and doesnt need to be told. i tell him that if shit was being done correctly i wouldnt need to tell him. He ponders this for a second and goes on to apologize to me. Note this is a guy who is 100% Persian, well born there but lived in the states all his life and he tells guests that he was born in Iran and that he's now Scottish. He tells people he's my brother. Dude is like 45 or some shit, my dad would have to have been a teenager to have been his father. So guests actually ask me if he's my brother. Its embarrassing. Anyway, hes got major issues and is always a pain in the ass, he is telling me that he thinks of me as a sister and would take a bullet for me...blah blah blah. Fucking crackpot if you ask me. Anyway, thats my day so far. Thank god im outta work within the hour and have 2 days off to look forward to.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Saturday, April 25th, 2009
|
|
|
So im at work today, which is nothing unusual, sine i work every weekend. So im talking to guests and stuff and had one that asked me if i was my dads wife. I get really creeped out when that happens. I mean come on, we look alike damnit. Cant you people tell that we are related??? Ive had one woman yell at me for not having a public toilet in my lobby...my lobby consists of the front desk, a little floor space and a small iron bench, we don't have room for a toilet. I told her where the public restrooms were and she said she didnt have time to go all the way over there she was waiting on the ferry. So I tell her that the ferry has bathrooms on it. She tells me its still 30 mins till the ferry comes. So she doesnt have time to walk maybe 300 feet to the bathroom, while she's waiting 30 mins?? That don't make sense! She was just pissed at me for not letting her use the bathroom. We don't let anyone whos not a guest use the bathroom cuz its up beside the rooms and if someones left their room door open they could go in and take something, so its just not safe. So yes, we get the occassional person who asks to see a room and goes up and dirty's the clean room, then i have to go clean the bathroom all over again, so i just tell people we don't have rooms to view even if i do, unless they are looking for a room for that night.
So im leaving work in about 30 mins. Nordstroms have invited me and my mum to get free facials by philosophy, just cuz im always in there buying baby grace or pure grace. I dont like facials that much, but fuck it, it's free and its time to hang with my mum. I think we'll prolly have to buy some products i mean nothings ever FREE! But well see, i can always use more perfume. So Jasons going to play Poker, which means when I get back from the facials I will have the TV to myself and i have a 'Tudors' to catch up on. So that will be cool. So thats how my day is going so far...nothing too crazy, but a couple little bumps. Oh well, no day is ever perfect!
|
|
Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
So I actually didn't want to post too much of the im sick stuff on here after reading my old posts and seeing how pathetic and whiney i was. But i went to the dr yesterday thats dealing with my bowel issues and ive to have a Gastroscopy done on May 4th. Its basically where they put an electric cautery wire with a camera on it down your upper intestine and look at whats going on. This is to deal with my stomach pains which i used to think were caused by being alergic to beef and other red meats, and ive had it since I was 16, at least thats the first time i ever went to hospital aboot it. When I came to the US, I got send for one of those Birium drink x-rays or whatever and the dr said i had a small ulcer but nothing to worry about and that it would possibly go away on its own. Well im still having the pains, i get them a few times a week and they can last up to 2 hours at a time. Because I do take Lorcet pain meds, I try to take one of those when it comes on and it does help it. But sometimes it doesnt and I don't wanna be like my dad and not get it sorted oot and then one day have 3 feet of my colon cut oot. So this will be able to tell them if the ulcer has grown, or if theres something else there and they can biopsy anything that they see as abnormal. Because of my lupus and my myriad of medication they think its safer to do it in the hospital rather than in the office. I need to be put to sleep by the anistesiologist and he/she will know how much I will need due to my medication that im taking. Ive to be there at 10am, and I should be done about noon'ish. I think the actual surgery only takes about 45 mins, but they have to have me do paperwork and get my IV all hooked up and shit. Im so tired of having these surgeries, it feels like I have 1 every year at least. Last year it was surgery on my uterus and this year its on my upper intestine. Then after that they might still have to do a colonoscopy, to find oot whats going on down in my bowels as they have diagnosed me as having sever chronic constipation.
So for now im on a nice mix of 5 capfulls of miralax to get my bowels going, and then after a few days i can cut it to 4 for a few days and then 3 and so on until im down to about 1 and a half. It's miserable though im housebound. Im scared to go oot other than to work incase i shit myself, cuz thats whats happened in the past. Not like a big shit on my pants, but just some wetness and it's all very gross. At night I wear 'depends' incase i fart during the night and carry through. Then because it makes me go about 5 or 6 times a day once it starts working, im in complete agony from wiping all the time. It is probably the most miserable thing ive had to deal with in a long time. The other option is to go to UCSF to get tests run, blood tests and also tests of my bowels, spinkter, and the muscles around my bowels, check that the right ones are relaxing for a bowel movement and the right ones are constricting for a bowel movement. I don't wanna do that cuz it sounds like a lot of work and tests cost money, even with insurance, so I don't wanna do that till i absolutely HAVE to. So in the meantime, I will do the powder and see what happens, I'll pick up some diaper rash cream to see if that takes the sting outta my bum from wiping.
My only other concern with the surgery is that im on Plaquinil, and its a medication that attacks your immune system, to slow down the lupus from attacking my organs and such, but it leaves you open to virus' and infections. So I don't want to end up with some crazy infection from the surgery which is a common surgery and not a big deal at all...but it's rare for me to have a procedure done and not have any complications either due to my medication or my lupus. So we'll just have to see. Im sure this is going to be more money to add to the $3,000 that im already paying off to the hospital every month.
Someone find a 'cure all' pill that i can take that will fix all my ailments and let me live like a normal healthy 30 year old....please?
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
|
|
|
This is just a quickie mainly to vent. But I love the BBB, I love going there everyday and finding out whats going on with everyone. Although only a small amount of people there are my actual 'real friends' i still care about the people ive never met. However, I cannot take anymore of this crap thats coming at me. Certain people on there seem to get their jollies off by atacking me or mocking anything I post. I honestly want to walk away from the BBB and say fuck you all....but I can't because my friends are there. Sometimes I would like for people to let me know that the notice this 'bullying' too, so that its not me being paranoid or that im imagining it. Inez is the only person who seems to notice and Inez, I appreciate every time you defend me. Im just tired of it....i've had my fill and I just can't take it anymore.
the end
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
I wasn't going to update this today because I didn't have much to say. However, now I do. I'll start with work....This guy called looking to book 7 rooms in November...well it's only myself or my dad that deals with group bookings, so my co worker that took the call a few days ago, told him to call back and speak to my dad. My dad wound up calling him back and he said he had the rooms available and the guy very abruptly said "It's fine I booked rooms somewhere else" and hung up. Ok, that was that. So this morning my dad gets to work and the guy had called last night, this time looking for October, and not November. Again he was told that my dad would call him back. So im standing beside my dad and he called the guy....This is how the conversation happened, and i'll type it in our accent since its important to the point.
Dad:- Hi there, this is Billy from Hotel Sausalito, you called aboot bookin rooms in October?
Guy:- Is that 'ABOOT' or 'ABOUT'?
Dad:- Well I guess it's ABOUT.
Guy:- Where are you from?
Dad:- I'm from Scotland
Guy:- Well you might have mentioned that first
Dad:- Um ok, So how can I help you?
Guy:- You can't, I already booked at the Acqua Hotel (hangs up)
So my dad was taken aback, I mean it's not like he's not speaking English, and this guy apparently sounded like a snob. Why did he have to ask if it was aboot or about? I mean he knew what my dad meant. He can't help that he has an accent. An accent I might add that most people we speak to on the phone compliment us on all the time. So this guy was just a jackass. So that was my start to the morning.
Next thing. So I was on BBB as I am everyday, and Patti made mention about not looking forward to sitting with her friend just watching a movie. I commented that she should feel lucky that she has a friend to sit and watch a movie with. I in no way meant to sound bitchy about it or anything, it was just a remark that I didn't give much thought to, that just kinda came out. So Patti replies with that Im right and she should be happy she has a friend and since shes always been there for her she should be willing to sit watching a movie with her anytime.
So that got me thinking. I don't have any friends. This is not a pity post, it's just a point im making because I hadnt really thought about it in depth before. I moved here at 18, I had been 18 for 2 weeks when I got on that plane. I came directly to work in my families Hotel, in a tourist Island like town. It's not really an Island, but most tourists think it is, because there is a ferry from here to San Francisco. Anyway, it's not a town where young people live, it's expensive and all 'old money'. Sure we get people that stay at the hotel for a few days and on occasion they have been also British like me and with their parents, and so since they werent old enough to get into the bars, the parents would go to a bar in town, and I would go with the teenager to a movie or the mall or something. But then they would leave at the end of the vacation and go home. I did befriend a girl that worked in the wells fargo bank across the street from me. She was African American and also named Gail. We were friends for maybe 18 months. We went everywhere together, we were joined at the hip. People in town called us 'Black and White Gails'. We had a falling out while on a vacation to NYC to see the guy I was 'dating' online. She felt like all his friends were ignoring her because she was black, that wasnt the case, she was just so drunk she got paranoid. So one night she just up and left, I looked everywhere for her and it wasnt till my mum phoned my bf's house where we were staying and told me she had gotten a flight and went home. She was due to move to Seattle the following week, and I never saw her before she left. Then there was Jayne. I met her in the same chat room that I met my online boyfriend from NY. She was from Manchester and we had a lot in common, except I was 19 and she was 26 and married. She went through a divorce, as she met a guy online and left her hubby for him. After the divorce the guy from online moved from Ohio to Cali to live with her. after a week we realized he was a psycho. He beat her, beat me, tried to get me to sleep with him many times when she wasnt home. She paid for a flight for him to go home to Ohio to spend christmas with his kids. After he left, she packed up her shit, moved into my parents house with me which he didnt know where that was. He called many times calling us every name in the book, and so to escape him she booked a ticket home to Manchester, told me she would be back in 6 months once everything dyed down and that I should look for an apartment for us to share when she got back. Six months passed and she told me another 6 months, I heard this for about 18 months and then it was that she found a cute apartment in London, had a job as a flight attendant and wasnt coming back. Since then I've never had any friends.
Granted I met Jason and got married and that is cool, cuz I have him all the time, which is great. He has his friends from high school and college that he keeps in touch with. They even come oot to see us sometimes, and we go see them. But they are HIS friends. Not mine. I don't really KNOW them and they don't really KNOW me. So I go home to Scotland in January. I saw my friends EVERYDAY! And when I was getting ready to go meet them i was texting them back and fourth. I never had one day alone over there. My best friend Lynne, Ive known her since I was 4 years old. We started primary School together, went to high school together, and we were best friends on and off all through those years. She was my best friend when I moved to the states. Then theres Leigh, Ive known her since I was about 7, she came to my school and was new. She had a rough up bringing. her parents were really strict on her. She ended up pregnant at 17 and had a daughter Shannon. The last time I saw her she was in her stroller. So I go home and Lynne was going to Manchester to celebrate her birthday which was 3 days after I got there. She asked if i wanted to go, but I declined cuz all the travelling would have left me sick. So I arranged to meet her the day after she got home. So I had 3 days to kill before seeing her. So Leigh offered to come pick me up, take me back to her place, get some alcohol and just sit at home that Sat night and just catch up. So thats what i did. Leigh had lost her job just before christmas so she was home all day everyday and available to hang oot anytime. Lynne on the other hand is a manager at a hair salon and she did have a week off while i was there, but after that she was working all the time. So i had a great night with leigh and she drove me back to the apartment i was staying in in the city. We called and texted each other the rest of the night and all day monday. Lynne cancelled Monday cuz she was tired from her trip and we met on Tuesday. We went to lunch and then went shopping. She bought me a lovely love heart diamond necklace, a bottle of wine, a tiny cute bottle of champers and some of those little wallet sized 'best friends' cards. We talked a lot, and aboot everything. Even Leigh. Apparently they werent really friends. They texted each other once in a while, but didnt hang oot. So I arranged for the Thursday for the three of us to go for a pub lunch. We had a great time laughing all the time. then we went back to Leighs. I had bought a bottle of Malibu for me and Leigh, Lynne was driving and not staying long. We had a drink and Lynne decided to leave, she asked if i wanted a ride to the train station. I didnt want to leave at 7pm and be at the apartment by 8pm sitting by myself when I could stay at leighs longer and take a taxi home. So i declined. Well that wasnt a good idea. As the vacation went on, I saw Lynne maybe 4 more times after that...because she was working. I always tried to make plans with her first, and when she wasnt avail, I would contact Leigh, she knew she was kinda 2nd on my list, but understood. So I wound up seein Leigh more. It was so nice seeing her daughter now 13 and she went on to have a son. Matthew who was 11, 2 amazing kids. I was having a blast. It made me want to come home for good...be with the people who loved me and knew me.
The night I was leaving, i stopped by Lynnes work and said goodbye...she said she was gonna save up and come see me, she gave me her business card with her address on it so we could write, she doesnt have a computer. After seeing her I met Leigh just at a store in the mall, I had gotten her a betty boop photo album cuz shes betty boop crazy, just to thank her for all the times she picked me up from the city and brought me back home. I said goodbye to her and we already kept in touch via email, so we said we'd still do that. I come back to San Francisco, I email Leigh to tell her i got home safe, asked her to text Lynne and let her know i was home safe and she replied telling me that Lynne is annoyed at me cuz I didn't make an effort to spend time with her and that I spent all my time with Leigh. She then told Leigh that I said all this bad stuff about her that i absolutely did not say. It totally put me in a downer, the only good thing was that leigh didnt believe what Lynne had said and was still friends with me. But now Lynne wasnt. My best friend for 15 years wasnt speaking to me. So I called her house, her boyfriend kept telling me she wasnt home but he would tell her i called. I never heard back. So I wrote a letter, explaining everything to her, how i tried to make plans with her but she was always busy working, or going to keep fit or something, and its only after she couldnt hang that I went to leigh. I wrote in the letter that i was sorry that i upset her and that it was not intentional. Then I wrote that I wouldnt bother her again unless she called me or wrote me back, to let me know she forgave me and that we were still friends. Well that was back in Feb, and it's now almost May, and i havent heard a word. i dont understand why if she was mad at me why she was so nice to me the night i said bye to her. She was hugging me and telling me how she was coming to see me etc. I dunno...I know that if i moved back tomorrow that i could fix it, and we would be friends again...we've been friends for so long that i know she would put all that crap in the past and we would be best friends again, it's just a little harder with me being over here.
So, that long thing leads me to this....the only friends I have are online. Mainly on the BBB. I get upset when certain people get into arguments with me or call me names, normal people would just let this roll off their back, because they dont take it seriously, they could take the people there or leave them. But for me...well for me it's all i have. Inez and Patti are my good friends that help me through everything. I couldnt ask for better friends, I just wish they were in person instead of online. So maybe thats why I take the BBB so seriously...because without it I have nothing...well not nothing, I have Jason...but everybody needs friends. I can only hope that I can deal with the haters on there so they don't drive me away from the only support system I have. I may sound pathetic...but I challenge anyone to do everything that i've done and see if you have any friends. I have tried, I have gone oot there and made an effort..but sometimes thats not enough. So don't ever take your friends for granted, especially the ones you've known for a long time and who know you better than anyone, and who you know will always have your back.
Im off my soap box now!
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
So I'm at work...a couple comes in asking about a room in June...I tell them what I have available and they ask to see a room. So I have one room to view and its the same room thats available for the date they are looking for. So I ask my co-worker, who we'll call "Asshole" Some of you know of him, to take them up and show them this one specific room. He takes them up. 2 mins later he comes back down to the lobby. I ask where the couple are and he tells me that they are looking at the suite....I ask him why he showed them that, and he said incase they liked that better and wanted to book that. I told asshole that the suite was not available for the date they asked about. He was like, ok well i'll tell them when they come down. My dad was still here and I said to him that they were taking quite a while. Asshole went back upstairs to fill up the water cabnet, NOT to get the couple. We do not let people look at rooms on their own...and you'll find out why in a minute. So they come down after 5 mins and rush out the door saying that they would give us a call and zoom...they leave. My dad and I look at each other and I instantly say "they used the toilet i bet" My dad nodded in agreement. He called on asshole....he came down, my dad asked him why he left them, he said he wanted to let them decide and not feel pressured. My dad said that unless they are looking at a room that they plan on taking TODAY, you dont leave them alone. He then said that we both think they used the bathroom. Asshole went to check and guess what???? THEY USED THE BATHROOM!!!!!! I would really love to know who honestly goes to look at a hotel room, see's that it's all clean and sterile for sale, and decides to use the bathroom???? If I was looking at a room and needed to go, I would ask if I could use the public bathroom, I wouldnt ever consider using a hotel room bathroom that I was not checking into. Plus, they shouldnt have been looking at that room in the first place, PLUS asshole should NEVER have left them alone!
Sooooo, our poor housekeeper who had already cleaned that room today, had to reclean the bathroom. Not to mention they didnt just pee, they took a shit too. It's no wonder they rushed out the door, they obviously knew they were wrong. So the housekeeper got held back, having to wash the toilet pan, clean the sink, change the towels and fix the toilet paper. Now this may not seem like a big deal, but it's happened many times before and Ive had to clean it because the housekeepers have gone for the day. Im not above cleaning toilets, Ive cleaned these rooms many times when a housekeeper is sick or something....but it's the pure disrespect of someone coming in, and using the bathroom. Had we not guessed thats what they were doing, we would have sold that room tonight to someone for $285. They would have gone up, seen the skid marks in the pan, seen the toilet paper all hanging down, and seen the soiled towels. Do you think they would be happy? NO...they wouldnt have been, we would have to either clean the bathroom, or change them to a smaller room as that is our largest, plus we would have to have comped the stay because of this.
I deal with tourists 5 days a week, 6 to 8 hours a day....and I have learned to have a little bit of tollerance. However, this is one thing that really pisses me off and gets my goat. I just can't understand why someone would look at a hotel room, see that it's completely clean for sale, and decide to use the bathroom. Would they like to walk into a room they just paid $285 for and see it dirty?? I doubt it, so why would they do it to someone else? It angers me beyond beliefe. Please someone who understands this explain it to me? Please tell me why you would do this, if you would do it? I can't imagine anyone with a slice of decency or common sense would do this. The last thing I need is a bad review on trip advisor about someone checking in to a dirty bathroom. That could damage my business so bad. But not only am I annoyed at the couple, Im annoyed at asshole who left them alone!!! If I wanted them to look at the room on their own I would have given them the room key and sent them up...I specifically asked him to take them up...in other words, show them the 1 room and bring them back down. Don't leave them up there to piss and shit in my suite! The kicker too is that we have a cabinet up there that has bottled water on it, and they left with 2 bottles of water in their hands. None of this would have happened if asshole didn't leave them. And what does he say to it? He shrugs and says i guess i messed up, i'll tell the housekeepers to clean it. You know what, ASSHOLE SHOULD HAVE TO CLEAN IT!!! You make a mess, you clean it. Man im irritated. Thank goodness im going to be off soon, and I only have tomorrow to work with asshole again until next week.
Grrrr
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Well, Today was fun. I got home from work at a decent time, like 2.15pm. Jason had to run some errands and so I got changed and went with him. I needed to get a new pair of sneakers and a belt, I dont normally wear a belt, but since i bought my 'fat jeans' ive lost 10lbs and so i need a belt to kep them up. So we went to the container store first to return a container that Jason bought that I didnt use. Then we went to the sports shop. Jason was getting new basketball shorts. In his new job, every Tuesday the guys all get together on the basketball court and play basketball during lunch break, so he wanted decent shorts to wear. I got a Nike baseball cap cuz I had a Miller one and it was white and it got all dirty, so I had to wash it and it shrunk, im not really surprised since it was a freebie. So I got that and then I got a pair of New Balance sneakers. They are super comfortable, and nice, well we think so anyway. So then Jason decided to get a new pair of sneakers too, so he got a pair of Nike's.
After the sports shop we went to Target to get me a belt. I walked right in and found one right away, I really dont enjoy shopping so I like to get in and get out. We get the belt and I mention that I would kill for a costco hotdog. Totally not expecting Jason to agree with me cuz of my diet and because we had stuff for dinner at home. However, he said 'do you have your costco card?' I said I did and so he was all, lets go! The lines in Target were huge and the woman in front of us had a million things in her cart, so outta the blue Jason asked her if we could go first just because we had one thing. She said yes but she wasnt that happy about it. Sooooo we paid for the belt, and left. Went to Costco and Jason got a slice of pizza and I got a hotdog covered in onions. We sat inside eating it since it was like 80 degrees outside and it was air conditioned in costco. But as we sat there we looked at all the people wandering around and started talking crap about all the people in there. It was hilarious.
Then we headed home, Jason modelled the new shorts for me, he got 3 pairs, and i put my stuff away. I then came online and watched a few things on demand on comcast. So now im waiting for something to come on at 9pm....i don't wanna admit what it is, but fuck it....its the Bret Michaels Rock Of Love Bus Tour-Reunion show! So I need to see that and see how it goes when all those bitches are back together again, and to see if the relationship worked out with Brett and Taya. Man im pathetic watching cheesy reality shows. Anyway so thats pretty much all I have to say for now. The show is about to come on, so I'll catch up with ya'll tomorrow.
G xoxox
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
|
Phew, im sweating like a crazy person...it's hot as hell. Anyway, last night Jason and I went out to dinner at a chinese restaurant called "Harmony". It's real close by to where we live, so we had dinner, it's so good. We had 2 different kinds of Dim Sum, one was BBQ pork and the other was triangles with beef in them. Then Jason got the Harmony signature beef, and I got BBQ pork Chow Fun. We shared and both dishes were awesome. I cleaned all my car out last week, hoping to get the spider that was in there out, I don't know if it did, I havent seen 'Charlie' since it got clean, but i still get in with caution. So after dinner jason got in the car, took a big sniff and said 'mmm, nice new car smell, it's nice to smell fresh air in here' haha, thats how bad my car was before. Then we drove to the movie theater. We saw "I love you, Man" I thought it was hilarious. I was cringing at some parts cuz it's so funnily uncomfortable for the characters. But a great movie, I would recommend it to everyone, if you like off coulour jokes and humor. For the first time in forever, we actually had a nice time in the theater, no one was kicking our chairs behind us, and no one was talking all through it. So that made it even better. After the movie we went to Safeway, it was my cheat day on my diet, so I got a square slice of cake, to split with Jason and one of those real tiny containers of Haggen Daas vanilla ice cream. So we had that when we got home, I gave Jason the bigger 'half' since I didn't wanna undo my diet completely. Oh and Ive gone from 173lbs down to 164lbs. I actually think a lot of it was my bowels backed up. Sorry probably TMI. But I don't have any regularity in my bowel movements, and I actually was told by my dr to take 5 capfulls of Miralax everyday for 2 weeks. I managed to do it for a week, but I was literally pooping myself, and my butt got sore from all the wiping, so I had to stop it. I just couldnt handle it anymore, they wont be happy with me when i go back on Thursday, but whatever. I felt like I had diaper rash, haha.
So we had quite a romantic night. At dinner we talked a little about our future and possibly trying for kids. Jason is a little strange right now, he thinks that this world is messed up and he isnt all that excited about bringing a child into this world as it is. I don't agree with him, I don't think we should rob ourselves of the happiness that a baby will bring us. He's not dead against it, but he's just a little cynical right now. I think if I give myself a little time I can talk him around. We always just assumed that we wouldnt have kids because my Gyno said that I probably wouldnt be able to carry a baby, however, I still want to try. I have major baby fever and have had since i got married 7 years ago. And im not getting any younger, i know people have babies even in their 40's, but given the complications i may have and my health, I just think it would be better if we do it sooner rather than later. Plus I want to be young and fit enough to play with my kids, and I want to be there when they graduate college and see them getting married too, and so I have to be somewhat young'ish to do that. So I don't know. I really want kids, and I feel like the next year or two is the time. I don't know how that will fit into moving back to Scotland, but i'd be willing to give that up for a baby. So we'll see....I'll keep my fingers crossed!
Hope all my readers are well, and thanks for being interested and reading what i post, I appreciate it. :)
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Saturday, April 18th, 2009
|
|
|
So this has been a pretty decent week. I went to my doctor on Thursday and found out that my MRI was clean, and no Tumor. However, I may have an over active pituitory gland, so I have to see my endocrinologist. I got put on Lyrica for my Fibromyalgia pain. It's actually helping. The pills cost me $150 with insurance, so that sucked, but hey whatever is going to help me feel less pain is good. I totally gutted my apartment, I threw out a shit ton of stuff, just shit that was cluttering my bedroom drawers and my bathroom counters. So everything is packed away in the nice plastic drawer box things that Jason bought me from the container store. When you walk into my apartment all you smell is 'clean', in my bathroom all you smell is 'clorox and clean' I love it. Im going to make an effort to spray my toilet everyday with tilex with bleach, so that its always clean. I don't know how it gets so dirty, but it does. All my glass tables in the living room are sparkling. I bought myself flowers last week, just cuz i felt like it, and you can smell them all over the living room. Ive had them for a week and they are still alive and kicking, which is awesome cuz i only got them from Safeway. So im quite impressed.
Yesterday I was at work, and just made the decision to go to the gym after work. I hadnt been for a week cuz I have been having bowel issues and have been taking laxitives everyday before going back to see my GI dr next Thursday. Well I tried and I managed for a week, but my ass is killing me from wiping, it's in agony, so i had to take a break or else my butt was never gonna talk to me again. haha. So I went to the gym, which is huge since i normally need Jason to come with me or tell me to go, the fact i decided to go on my own was awesome, well i think so anyway. So I did 30 mins on the bike, then I went to work on weights. I used some of the machines, and i used the free weights. Not only did I up the weights, but I did more reps and more sets. The last few were hard as hell, and I was struggling, but I made it. Then I did a bunch of abs, I used the machine that you stand up on and lean your arms on the pads and pull up your legs, and then i went on the one you lay down on and push on the bar and do crunches. Well normally I do 4 sets of 10, but this time i did 6 sets of 20. That might be nothing to you fit people, but it was a lot for me. Needless to say, today im sore...but a good sore. Im sore everyday, but it feels much better when its sore because of something and not just because im sick. So im happy to be sore. Tonight we're going out to dinner, and then going to see a movie, we havent decided which one yet, it depends on when we get back from dinner. But im looking forward to going out, last week i couldnt cuz of my bowel problems. I was house bound haha. Anyway, things are going great, I couldnt be happier. I think the lyrica is helping, normally at work im short tempered and cant be bothered with people asking questions and shit because im sore, but the last 2 days ive been happy at work and have been very helpful to people. I think im happier because im not in pain, and lyrica is non narcotic, so thats good.
So thats my post for today, thanks all to read it, and I hope you're all having a great day!
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, April 15th, 2009
|
|
|
So today is cleaning day. I normally clean on my day off either on a wed or thurs but the last couple of months, Jason didnt have a job and so he was always under my feet and I couldnt clean as well as i wanted to, I dont know why, but him being around just stopped me from keeping the place as clean as I normally do. So now he's back at work, today and tomorrow im going to spend cleaning. Im doing laundry just now, well it's washing as I type. I need to go and pick up my mum to take her to the dr's at 2pm. And my dishwasher is broken and the guy is coming to fix it today. He's coming between 1pm and 5pm. It sux cuz ive tried to get in touch with my apt manager to ask him to let the guy in to fix it since i wont be here but he hasnt called me back, so im gonna have to just go and hope he lets him in. I need to go to safeway and buy cleaning stuff. i need bleach...my best cleaning tool. Bleach is my friend! So I have to go and pick up some supplies to get cleaning. Jason went to the container store and got me 3 different plastic boxes to clear my bathroom, I have all my bubble bath and make up over the counter, so im gonna clean that up.
so thats the exciting stuff that im up to today, whatever i dont get done today, i'll do tomorrow. In between going to my own dr appointments. I need to go get my laundry and dry it...and shove in my bedsheets. Have fun all!
Gail :)
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Tuesday, April 14th, 2009
|
|
|
So I just spent some time reading through my old posts. So much has changed, for one my little cousin that was in hospital being brave at 10 years old...IS NOW 17! I'm far less of a complainer, or at least I like to think so. I spend much less time in bed...thank goodness. I still like lazy days at home watching DVD's with Jason ;) A lot of stuff I don't remember...my aunt (lil cousins mum) and the fam moved to Sac town back in like 2005, so I rarely see them anymore. Mainly birthdays and holidays. Although my aunt did come down last week and I left work early to meet her for coffee, so that was cool. I manage to clean my house on a regular basis now, haha, I don't need to hire someone, infact tomorrow on my day off im gonna be cleaning...at least now i have the energy to do so. Some medications are good :) I still argue with my dad, infact quite frequently, as frequent as 2 weeks ago. Mainly over work stuff. I work 5 days a week now...almost full shifts, not quite, but almost. I still hate football...but enjoy baseball, so thats something right? I don't really go to San Jose to watch my football (soccer) anymore, cuz I can't get up that early and then function later in the day. But i get to see it on TV a week later at most. I can also follow it online.
When i come back in 5 years, i'll update what ive written today...hehe.
Nah, i'll try and keep up with this...we'll see how it goes!
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Holy crap, 2004 was my last update??? I totally forgot about livejournal, until the Rubster reminded me of it today, by asking if i had an account, I dont even know how i managed to log in, granted it took me a few times trying different passwords, but old reliable was the right one.
So what to update about...how do you fit 5 years in one update? Lets see....Ok....So I don't remember much of 2005...or 2006...2007 sucked ass, I got in heavy with some shit and me and Jason separated for just under a year. We stayed friends, but I moved out, and lived at my parents, granted it was only a few doors away from my apartment with Jason, but it still sucked being that close and not being together. Lot's of crazy shit went on, that I don't really care to go on about, i think most people reading this know by now anyway, so theres no point dragging it all up. It took a lot for us to break up...we even went on vacation to Hawaii, my dream place, a couple of months before the split, but even though we had a good time, and got along 90% of the time, I just couldn't get my shit together to keep us going. Jason leaving me was a huge wake up call though, I never thought he would leave me, so I thought I could just go on and on doing shitty things and there would be no concequences. Not so, im glad that Jason made the decision to quit 'us'. I wouldnt be were I am today if he didnt. I decided that I could get my shit together and would prove to him that i could be the person he married. It was a lot of hard work, and a lot of damage control on my part, but the fact we stayed friends and still went out to movies and dinner helped a lot.
So, Then in July'ish 2008 we decided to give it another try. We started 'dating' again. Jason had just moved to a different apartment, basically so he wouldnt be so close to me and my family, and i helped him move and got all his shit in order. Before long I started sleeping over one night over the weekend. So i officially moved in to the apartment in September 2008. And I've been there ever since. Things are going great! It's like we're newly weds again, which is awesome, and no matter what happens, I know i'll never take him for granted again. It's so cliche, but you don't know what you have till its gone, well im never gonna give him a reason to be gone again. So lots of things had to change, for one, me....i had to stop being so negative, I had to stop quitting. I basically lived in the mindset that I was dying, so fuck it. I could do what I wanted, and that was my excuse, and everyone had to feel bad for me. So I don't lay in bed everyday now, I don't complain about my aches and pains. They are still there, but I just don't let them rule my life. I do what I wanna do and i don't let my illness determine what I can and can't do. Im no longer a zombie, nor am I a functioning zombie. Its so stupid and embarrassing, but Jason actually has to remind me of things that happened in 2005 and 2006, cuz I honestly was so drugged up that i dont know. Although that was a major factor in our split, we laugh about it now, I drive him crazy asking him when we saw this movie or that movie..haha. It's all good though. I don't take half the amount of meds that I once took, I don't even want to take them. I enjoy seeing myself doing things and remembering, and I know that I lost X amount of years being stoned that i'll never get back, but I just make more of the present.
So i'm still sick...that sadly has not gone away, or gotten better, i think i just deal with it better. Recently i gained a bunch of weight and have some symptoms that possibly means I could have a tumor on my pituitory gland. Which I had back in 2006, I see my neurologist on thursday (in 2 days) to find out what the results of the MRI were. I still take a few different meds, but my narcotic drugs are well supervised. In Jan we went to Scotland. I went with my parents, for 3 weeks and Jason came for a week as he was working and couldnt get the whole 3 weeks off. We had a blast, a really good time. Jason enjoyed it too, which is awesome. So we've been talking about it and we are thinking of moving there for good in about 3 years. We figure thats how long it'll take to get ready financially and find a place to stay, plus give us time to go back, so Jason can spend more time and make sure he likes it. So we'll see what happens with that. So thats my update, same shit that ive already posted in different places and that most of the people that read it here already know, so sorry that I don't have anything exciting. Maybe if it takes me another 5 years to post a journal something else even more exciting might have happened. I hope not, cuz all that stuff was exciting, but a bad excitement. I don't wanna do that again. Haha. The end!
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, December 15th, 2004
|
|
|
my goodness, two days in a row...whats wrong with me?? Boredum is a bitch. haha. Its bloody cold today...it's gotta be about 50...not as cold as it would be back home in Scotland, but damn, colder than i expect california to EVER get. Anyway, whatever, i suppose it makes it feel more like christmas?? I got home from shopping and stuff on monday and had a message on my voicemail...it was sooo awesome. It was my friend in Scotland, I had found her a couple of years ago through friendsreunited.com and we'd been emailing each other and i had been calling her. About a year and a half ago, I lost the piece of paper her number was on, and i couldnt get hold of her, she cancelled her internet for a while, and she was calling me the other day to say that she was having it put back on this week, so she would email me. I was super excited. The message was funny though, she was super scottish and i let jason hear it, to see if he could understand it at all, he managed to get bits and peices. So i'll probably try to get time to call her back this weekend, the time difference fucks me up, i'm confident i'll get round to it though.
Last night I sat wrapping presents...watching tv. Jason came in from work early, and was all about tidying the place up. There was boxes from our christmas decorations still beside the tree waiting for him to take them out to our store room, and he kept putting it off, but yesterday he all of a sudden had a burst of energy and wanted to fix the place up. I just have no motivation to clean, other than my everyday dishes and stuff, i know im going to have the housekeeper come in before i come back from ohio at new year to clean up my apartment, so i figure i can just keep it at bay till then. We went tp bed kinda earlier than normal, Jason worked a lot of Saturday, and I was in work early yesterday, and again today, so i figure i should go to bed earlier to compensate. I dont wanna get sick, since ive been on such a great roll. I have to go to the grocery store tonight after work to get something for dinner...im going to make curry, and i'll make enough to last tomorrow night too. It just saves me time when im trying to get presents wrapped and sent out. At least thats my excuse. haha. I normally talk to my aunt on a Wed night and Jason plays madden...which is cool. At the weekend, i took my 13 year old cousin to get her ears peirced. She's been promising to do it since she was like 8..and crapped out of it every year..so i made a deal a while back that i would get it done if she got it done. So i went first and got my 3rd and final pair of holes put in my ear. Then she got it done, so FINALLY! haha, im so happy i can actually buy her earings now, the child has more bracelets than anyone i know. So i'll be able to find out how shes dealing with her sore ears, i kept mine in until yesterday, and then i took em out..i didnt plan on keeping them anyway, just to show her it wasnt sore. So ill just let em close up. Im happy just using one hole. I have to try to get my hair cut before christmas, I had been trying to grow it and every so often i get sick of it and cut it off, but i think somehow i missed it growing so fast, and so now it just needs a little trim. I dont care if i wait till before i got to ohio...it doesnt NEED to be done for christmas.
Oh well, time to go back to work, so i guess thats it for now.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
|
|
|
I never update this shit huh? haha. Oh well, i guess boredum got the better of me. Man i was reading some of my old entries, feeling sorry for myself much???? Anyway, thinking back it was a rough time. Ive been off chemo for about 4 months...woohoo. Not that im better, but at least i dont spend every weekend in bed vomitting over myself. I guess i should catch up with some stuff. I came off the chemo around the end of july. Just at that time i managed to spend a weekend in Sac Town with my aunt and uncle and cousins, the fact that my gran lived with them was an added bonus. My gran had been outta it for a while, we knew she had cancer and wouldnt last 6 months. I had one weekend, to spend the time with her, I left on the sunday, and she took real sick on the monday, died a week later. Pretty crappy, especially watching her hurt so bad, but im so thankful that i got that last weekend. I go to visit her regularly in the cemetery. I went yesterday actually and put some beautiful orchid flowers in her little vase. They were so pretty.
Jason started a new job back in August, it was a contract for 4 to 6 months, pretty close by, so it was perfect, no commute, and double the wage he got with the last company....so needless to say we hoped the contract would become full time...which last week it did. So he's not a full time employee which is cool cuz now he gets paid for being off christmas and new year.
We have to go to Ohio to visit Jasons family. His grandmother isnt well, she broke her hip a year ago and had a minor stroke back in september, so i think we have to go out there so he can spend some time with her incase something awful happens. I didnt think i would be going out there anytime soon. I dont get along with my in laws and pretty much swore never to set foot in ohio again, but when jason asked if i would go with him, i dunno, i just said yes. Maybe it's losing my grandmother that makes me think that some things just dont matter, and if he wants me to go with him, then i'll be right beside him to support him in whatever he does. So we decided to spend christmas here with my family, and fly out for new year to spend with his family. Its the first time ive seen his mum since Jan 2002. Ive only spoken to her a handful of times since then, so it'll probably be weird at first...but we'll see, who knows i might even have a good time??? haha.
Healthwise nothing major has changed, im still 'sick' although it's been a while since ive felt super bad. I spent a week in hospital for meningitis back in september, had to have a spinal tap, which wasnt on my list of fun things to do. But whatever, it was nice to be run after for a while. haha. I got put on a new medication, and it's supposed to help me tollerate pain better, in my brain. whatever signals your brain gives out to feel pain, this pill is supposed to help with that, so far so good. Im just enjoying having a little more freedom to go do stuff. I know eventually i'll have to go back on chemo to slow down the dying process, but i figure i'll enjoy it while i can. Jason and I both agreed back in July it was about quality of life and not quantity. So thats what we've been concentrating on. Im looking forward to Christmas, I love buying gifts for people, especially Jason, and i have him a bunch of clothes and cd's and dvd's. I just cant help it. I'll be sad though, because im going to be thinking of my gran, christmas was her favourite holiday, but more reason to not feel sad, she would be really mad if we were sad, she'd hate that. So we have to be happy.
So i think thats about most of my update. It'll probably be another year before i update again, haha, i'll try to be more regular in future.
|
|
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
gailamador's journal
frustrated.
embarrassed.
jubilant.
crappy.
blank.